MAXS FACTS
Sue Me!
by Max Peters (AKA Stan Unger)
(Published in AU Newsletter 8/98)

     When I was about five years old, my next door neighbors daughter, Margie, was my babysitter. She would take me with her on her daily errands. One of the places she would visit was her church.
   I remember her taking me to her church one day, where there was a sign on the wall that read,
"Jesus Loves You." I had just begun to read, and I would read everything that I could, including billboards, signs in store windows, and bumper stickers on cars.
   I asked Margie, "What does that mean, 'Jesus loves you?'"
   "Well," she answered, patiently. "That means Jesus, our lord, loves you."
   "But I never met him. How can he love me, if he doesn't know me?"
   "Oh, he knows you. don't worry about that!" she answered.
   And yet I did worry about it. It confused me, although I sort of understood what she was trying to say. I knew it meant something about some all-knowing, all-seeing force, but I couldn't really explain it at that age.
   Later, I read a bumper sticker that said, Jesus Is My Friend. I asked Margie, "Is Jesus that mans friend? Has he met Jesus? Does he know him?
   "No, silly," Margie answered. "Jesus is your friend, too."
   "But, how can he be my friend if Ive never met him? Hes never played with me, either!"
   Margie just sighed in exasperation. "Oh, youll understand better when youre older."
   But, Im much older now, and I still don't understand.

     More recently, I saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus Is My Best Friend." That strikes me as being rather sad. Having an imaginary friend is one thing. But, having an imaginary friend that you think of as your best friend strikes me as rather bizarre.
   Finally, a bumper sticker that says, Real Men Love Jesus. Sort of a variation on that book entitled, Real Men don't Eat Quiche.
   Well, I don't love Jesus. How could I? I still havent met him, and I don't consider him my friend.
   I guess that makes me, and all other male atheists, something other than real men.
   Sue me!

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